So life is pretty hard sometimes. I am trying not to show how bad I feel about the situation that is going on with my family and my wife's family. In my head I try and tell myself that if I just wait long enough it will all just magically fix itself and we will all go back to being happy.
The harsh reality is that divorce happens and illness happens. We can defy time. If I could I would be a much happier person. I really don't want my life to spiral out of control because of decisions my mother made while on meth but I don't have a choice in the matter. I hate what drugs do to people and if people try and tell me that pot is harmless I will have to try hard not to punch them in the face. Pot is definitely a gateway drug and it ruins lives just as much as alcohol. I am trying to figure out what is real and what is not. I know that all of it is real but how can anyone possible let their wife leave town knowing that she is going to have an affair with another man and then let her come back home into open arms. I must be crazy.
On the other front in my life I just want to shake people until they understand or until their brains turn to liquid and ooze from their facial orifices. I thought that maybe writing it on here would help me with dealing with it and I guess it does but I also expect that someone will talk to be about it but I feel as if most of my "friends" will just ditch me. I know they don't really mean to be that way but we are a race of people bent on being number one and staying that way. I can't blame human nature but I still want to gain a group of friends that will be here for me when I need them.
I guess that I am just rambling now and crying while typing is no good for anyone so I will have to say good day. I SAID GOOD DAY!
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
Thursday, May 5, 2011
Something great
I ask myself every night before I fall asleep if I am going in the right direction.
I sit and ponder and I list all of the great things in my life. I have a great wife and we have a wonderful relationship. I don't mind that we don't live in the greatest apartment or that we don't have that much money. What I really care about is my little tortoise Lana and the fact that I wake up every morning.
I have been taking life for granted for a long time and I know that I am young and what not but I have seen a lot of bad things in my short years and they have shaped me into who I am today. I don't really know where I will be in 5 years or 10 years but I do hope that I am raising a few kids living in a bigger place and working at a job that I don't hate.
That idea of leaving something great behind that my kids can share with their children has been sitting in the forefront of my mind for a long time. I really don't care what it is. Even if its just a great story that doesn't even have to be true. I just want something. Anything. I want to do something great or be something great. I know that this is what all people want but that doesn't make my want of it any less important. I am sure that one day I will know what it is that I get to leave behind but until then I will just have to grind my teeth and grit through it.
I sit and ponder and I list all of the great things in my life. I have a great wife and we have a wonderful relationship. I don't mind that we don't live in the greatest apartment or that we don't have that much money. What I really care about is my little tortoise Lana and the fact that I wake up every morning.
I have been taking life for granted for a long time and I know that I am young and what not but I have seen a lot of bad things in my short years and they have shaped me into who I am today. I don't really know where I will be in 5 years or 10 years but I do hope that I am raising a few kids living in a bigger place and working at a job that I don't hate.
That idea of leaving something great behind that my kids can share with their children has been sitting in the forefront of my mind for a long time. I really don't care what it is. Even if its just a great story that doesn't even have to be true. I just want something. Anything. I want to do something great or be something great. I know that this is what all people want but that doesn't make my want of it any less important. I am sure that one day I will know what it is that I get to leave behind but until then I will just have to grind my teeth and grit through it.
Sunday, May 1, 2011
May day!
I remember being a little scamp and stealing flowers from some old lady's garden and then ringing my neighbors doorbell and running away giggling madly!
Oh those were the days right? When little things meant so very much to us. Today I went to work and listened to incredibly ignorant and I am just going to be honest...ugly. I mean I don't really care if you are ugly or beautiful but when you are missing tons of teeth due to their crazy drug abuse habits I cringe and turn into a jerk.
I don't like being a jerk to general public at my job but then again I do...I really do. I give everyone a chance to prove to me when that they are not without brains but then when I tell someone the movie is sold out and they say "What do you mean, like...I can still buy tickets right?" I really just want to slap them in face but I doubt they would even understand why I did it.
So I am not sure if I am going to post every day this month but I will try and post as much as I can. I will try and think of awesome stories to tell.
I wrote this right after the announcement that we killed Osama Bin Laden had been killed but I left out a long and drawn out statement because what I believe about this situation doesn't need to be said. I am happy for our nation upon the idea that we accomplished something great but I will never applaud murder on either side of the barbed wire.
Oh those were the days right? When little things meant so very much to us. Today I went to work and listened to incredibly ignorant and I am just going to be honest...ugly. I mean I don't really care if you are ugly or beautiful but when you are missing tons of teeth due to their crazy drug abuse habits I cringe and turn into a jerk.
I don't like being a jerk to general public at my job but then again I do...I really do. I give everyone a chance to prove to me when that they are not without brains but then when I tell someone the movie is sold out and they say "What do you mean, like...I can still buy tickets right?" I really just want to slap them in face but I doubt they would even understand why I did it.
So I am not sure if I am going to post every day this month but I will try and post as much as I can. I will try and think of awesome stories to tell.
I wrote this right after the announcement that we killed Osama Bin Laden had been killed but I left out a long and drawn out statement because what I believe about this situation doesn't need to be said. I am happy for our nation upon the idea that we accomplished something great but I will never applaud murder on either side of the barbed wire.
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