Today is the last day for Blog Every Day in April.
I did it! wahoo! I managed to do something for a whole month. There were some shaky nights there where I almost forgot to post but there are 30 posts and 30 days.
So what does this mean for me. I guess I just need to keep at it. Maybe do some movie reviews or talk more about my favorite things like video games and more anime style stuff. I guess I will just see where the world of the internet blog will take me. Thanks to all of you who actually read this blog I hope that you will continue to follow me in the near future.
If there is anything anyone would like me to talk about you HAVE TO LEAVE COMMENTS! I hope everyone had a good April. I know I didn't...I will see you in May!
Saturday, April 30, 2011
Friday, April 29, 2011
Anime
I love anime. For my birthday this year there is a 78 hour long anime convention in Seattle. So I really want to go but I really don't want to go alone. I mean when I think about it I am sure that I would have fun by myself and maybe meet some new people but Anime kids are weird. I am weird but not like that. I do however have almost all of a Naruto themed costume but what does that mean...I know...I know.
I have been watching anime a lot more lately and I have been loving it. I love the overacting and the amazing art. I love the variety. Well back to this anime convention. So my idea was that if no one would go with me for the whole weekend I could spend the first day by myself and convince a few of my friends to come on the Saturday and then spend the third day as a wrap up alone and then head home. The main thing is affording the hotel for the three days but by that time my friends should all be living in the Seattle area so maybe I could crash at their place. The only thing about that is I like the idea of staying the hotel and experiencing the whole aspect of the convention but its pretty expensive.
When I try to justify the expense I try and tell myself that "when does something like this ever fall on your birthday weekend" and "You could always save money so that you can make it possible" and "You could have your wife spend the weekend with her sister so that you don't have to worry about her being home alone." But are any of these ideas any good? Probably not but I hope that I will have enough courage to do this alone. I guess only time will tell.
I have been watching anime a lot more lately and I have been loving it. I love the overacting and the amazing art. I love the variety. Well back to this anime convention. So my idea was that if no one would go with me for the whole weekend I could spend the first day by myself and convince a few of my friends to come on the Saturday and then spend the third day as a wrap up alone and then head home. The main thing is affording the hotel for the three days but by that time my friends should all be living in the Seattle area so maybe I could crash at their place. The only thing about that is I like the idea of staying the hotel and experiencing the whole aspect of the convention but its pretty expensive.
When I try to justify the expense I try and tell myself that "when does something like this ever fall on your birthday weekend" and "You could always save money so that you can make it possible" and "You could have your wife spend the weekend with her sister so that you don't have to worry about her being home alone." But are any of these ideas any good? Probably not but I hope that I will have enough courage to do this alone. I guess only time will tell.
Thursday, April 28, 2011
The Universe
The universe is old. How old you ask? Well some believe that the earth is only a couple of thousand years old other however see the universe as billions of years. I don't really know where I fall. I want to say that I jump on the science bandwagon but that is only because the alternative is preposterous.
This subject has been brought up quite a lot in my logic class almost daily. My teacher says that it took us billions of years to figure out that it took us billions of years to get to this point. So that in this point in time is the only point in our exsistence that we can truly see how far we have come. We have billions sunk into space exploration and all that they can tell us is that we can see millions of years into the past when we look at far away solar systems. This idea then becomes flawed beyond all reason to me. Time is relative as Einstien found out and that we can not put a time index on what we see through a telescope. I know the old idea that when we look up into the nights sky we see stars. Not really though we are seeing death. We see the glimmer of what that star used to be. Because light travels differently we don't see it as it is. We see an almost reflection of what it used to be. So we tell ourselves we are seeing into the past. I don't really understand that. We are seeing pictures of what used to be. That is like saying when I look an old picture of my dad I am seeing into the past. I am only seeing a glimpse of one image that has already happened. I am not experiencing in in the same time frame or even in the same dimension so how could they possible say that we are looking into the past.
This whole idea gets me all riled up. I am going to go eat some cake and settle down. More to come!
This subject has been brought up quite a lot in my logic class almost daily. My teacher says that it took us billions of years to figure out that it took us billions of years to get to this point. So that in this point in time is the only point in our exsistence that we can truly see how far we have come. We have billions sunk into space exploration and all that they can tell us is that we can see millions of years into the past when we look at far away solar systems. This idea then becomes flawed beyond all reason to me. Time is relative as Einstien found out and that we can not put a time index on what we see through a telescope. I know the old idea that when we look up into the nights sky we see stars. Not really though we are seeing death. We see the glimmer of what that star used to be. Because light travels differently we don't see it as it is. We see an almost reflection of what it used to be. So we tell ourselves we are seeing into the past. I don't really understand that. We are seeing pictures of what used to be. That is like saying when I look an old picture of my dad I am seeing into the past. I am only seeing a glimpse of one image that has already happened. I am not experiencing in in the same time frame or even in the same dimension so how could they possible say that we are looking into the past.
This whole idea gets me all riled up. I am going to go eat some cake and settle down. More to come!
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
My conversation with Death
So I am sitting alone at Mcdonalds when a man dressed all in black sits down next me. He is handsome and his face is clean and shaved. His eyes are kind and thoughtful and he carries himself with pride. He stares at me as I take a giant bite out of my chicken sandwich and waits for me to swallow before he speaks.
"I don't normally do this but I had to say something" he said with a half smile.
"Do I know you?" I ask as I wipe my mouth with my napkin.
"Sort of" He replied "But we haven't officially met. I'm Death. Nice to meet you" he stops and holds out his hand for me to shake. I just sit there and stare at him like he is crazy. I blink a few times while thinking of what he just said. If he was death I thought I really shouldn't shake his hand"
"If you really are Death I shouldn't shake your hand right? Or it will kill me right?" I said slyly. His face fell into a frown and he withdrew his hand.
"You sure do have my card don't you? Well I am not here to take you but I am here to let you know that I will get you eventually and you will not see it coming." He stopped to gauge my reaction.
"I don't believe that you are Death and you telling me I am going to die means that I am going to expect to do no matter how it happens I will expect death because death is going to happen no matter what" I took another big bite and waited. He sat and mulled what I said over and then got up and walked out. I followed him with my eyes as he walked across the parking lot and then out into the street. He stopped walking and was hit by an old women. I dropped my burger and ran out into the street. The man was lying on his back covered in blood and looking strait up into the sky. I could hear his voice leaking out of his blood filled mouth. I dropped to my knees to listen. He raised his crimson hand and touch my temple with his index finger and muttered the words "I got you".
I have been thinking about death a lot lately and if he is real entity I hope he has a sense of humor.
"I don't normally do this but I had to say something" he said with a half smile.
"Do I know you?" I ask as I wipe my mouth with my napkin.
"Sort of" He replied "But we haven't officially met. I'm Death. Nice to meet you" he stops and holds out his hand for me to shake. I just sit there and stare at him like he is crazy. I blink a few times while thinking of what he just said. If he was death I thought I really shouldn't shake his hand"
"If you really are Death I shouldn't shake your hand right? Or it will kill me right?" I said slyly. His face fell into a frown and he withdrew his hand.
"You sure do have my card don't you? Well I am not here to take you but I am here to let you know that I will get you eventually and you will not see it coming." He stopped to gauge my reaction.
"I don't believe that you are Death and you telling me I am going to die means that I am going to expect to do no matter how it happens I will expect death because death is going to happen no matter what" I took another big bite and waited. He sat and mulled what I said over and then got up and walked out. I followed him with my eyes as he walked across the parking lot and then out into the street. He stopped walking and was hit by an old women. I dropped my burger and ran out into the street. The man was lying on his back covered in blood and looking strait up into the sky. I could hear his voice leaking out of his blood filled mouth. I dropped to my knees to listen. He raised his crimson hand and touch my temple with his index finger and muttered the words "I got you".
I have been thinking about death a lot lately and if he is real entity I hope he has a sense of humor.
Space
I am taking a logic class and we talk about a lot of strange stuff but as of late we have been talking about things like string theory and other theoretical physic type things. I try and tell myself that it is one thing to think about how old the universe might be but most of these strict scientific people say they "know". It is really hard for me to have faith in anything I can not see or hold in my hand. I see these scientist in the same way that I see religious figures. They say pretty much the same things. They both say they know for sure about certain things but they don't really. They both have educated guesses about what may or may not be.
When it comes to the afterlife science says that there is no such thing. When you die you die. Some religions say that you go to heaven or hell or get reincarnated. I don't really know what I believe but I will tell you I am skeptical about all of it. I don't really want to think that when I die I die but I don't really care if I go to heaven or hell or get reincarnated. I just really want to know what happens so that I can be better prepared for it.
Science is getting way too far ahead of itself. They are trying to figure out things that proably don't need to be poked and prodded but in the name of science and that is science without ethics anything is possible. An ethical line needs to be drawn in all areas of life. Without these ethics we would spiral out of control and end up all killing and stealing from each other. The same goes for science and religion. We should not pursue creating black holes until we know what the outcome will be and if we can find it without doing it we shouldn't do it. On the other side if a place like planned parenthood provides abortions to women in need and you see that as taking someones life you do not ever have the right to bomb a place like that and possibly kill innocent people in the name of your cause while preaching the opposite.
I'm sorry my blog is so heavy tonight but I just wanted to say a few things.
When it comes to the afterlife science says that there is no such thing. When you die you die. Some religions say that you go to heaven or hell or get reincarnated. I don't really know what I believe but I will tell you I am skeptical about all of it. I don't really want to think that when I die I die but I don't really care if I go to heaven or hell or get reincarnated. I just really want to know what happens so that I can be better prepared for it.
Science is getting way too far ahead of itself. They are trying to figure out things that proably don't need to be poked and prodded but in the name of science and that is science without ethics anything is possible. An ethical line needs to be drawn in all areas of life. Without these ethics we would spiral out of control and end up all killing and stealing from each other. The same goes for science and religion. We should not pursue creating black holes until we know what the outcome will be and if we can find it without doing it we shouldn't do it. On the other side if a place like planned parenthood provides abortions to women in need and you see that as taking someones life you do not ever have the right to bomb a place like that and possibly kill innocent people in the name of your cause while preaching the opposite.
I'm sorry my blog is so heavy tonight but I just wanted to say a few things.
Monday, April 25, 2011
Worse
You know how you tell yourself that a giver situation couldn't get any worse than it is and then it gets worse. Yeah that is my life right now. I feel like I should just give up and retreat into some cave some where and never talk to anyone again. I could just string some power cords and read my nook forever.
I know this is drastic but a situation like the one I landed in today is something that movies do wrong every time. You see a family on the verge of exploding due to some kind of illness and drugs. Well what they don't show in the movies is the extreme nature of mental illness and drug abuse. How casually a person changes from loving and caring to paranoid and devious. I want to love my mother. I really do but when I hear things that she is doing and saying to my father my heart breaks. There are many battle scars on my heart put there by an abusive mother that I always believed was just the way she was and now I know that whatever it was that made her that way now and again has now taken over her entire being and she has let loose and throw her own family to the dogs. I have no idea how I am suppose to deal with a situation like this because I don't live in a movie and the main dramatic event won't be fixed before the credits roll mostly because there are no credits. When my mother dies there wont be a flash forward to my life down the road where I have moved on and gotten over it. Death has lived around me for many years. My mothers family doesn't really have a long life span and I have buried too many people in my short years. Losing my best friend was really the turning stone in my life and I knew that after that I wouldn't be the same. My life had changed and still is changing because of it. I still think of him every day and I as I sit here now watching wrestling trying to fight back tears I can hear him laugh and mock me.
I don't know how the movie of my life will end but I know that I have good friends and family that are here for me through this. I want so much to be with my dad helping him deal with this but I can't and that cuts to the heart of me.
I know this is drastic but a situation like the one I landed in today is something that movies do wrong every time. You see a family on the verge of exploding due to some kind of illness and drugs. Well what they don't show in the movies is the extreme nature of mental illness and drug abuse. How casually a person changes from loving and caring to paranoid and devious. I want to love my mother. I really do but when I hear things that she is doing and saying to my father my heart breaks. There are many battle scars on my heart put there by an abusive mother that I always believed was just the way she was and now I know that whatever it was that made her that way now and again has now taken over her entire being and she has let loose and throw her own family to the dogs. I have no idea how I am suppose to deal with a situation like this because I don't live in a movie and the main dramatic event won't be fixed before the credits roll mostly because there are no credits. When my mother dies there wont be a flash forward to my life down the road where I have moved on and gotten over it. Death has lived around me for many years. My mothers family doesn't really have a long life span and I have buried too many people in my short years. Losing my best friend was really the turning stone in my life and I knew that after that I wouldn't be the same. My life had changed and still is changing because of it. I still think of him every day and I as I sit here now watching wrestling trying to fight back tears I can hear him laugh and mock me.
I don't know how the movie of my life will end but I know that I have good friends and family that are here for me through this. I want so much to be with my dad helping him deal with this but I can't and that cuts to the heart of me.
Sunday, April 24, 2011
Easter
Today is Easter and that doesn't really mean a whole lot to me. I made a decision that I wasn't going to call my mother today to see if she had gotten over her craziness towards me but she hasn't. I was not really surprised by this but it still does hurt. I am glad that I got to spend this weekend with my sister in law though. It was nice to see her and spend some time doing what we always do. Spending hours trying to think of something to do but end up not doing anything.
I spent most of today reading on my Nook and I couldn't be happier. I finished Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire and it still made me tear up. The emotion at the end of the book is so powerful that I wanted to re read it over and over again. I was watching the movie version at the same time but I feel like that movie makes me more angry than happy. I feel this way about most of the newer Harry Potter films with the exception of Deathly Hollows. Everything after the second movie just went downhill. I hate when book adaptions add things that were not in the book but leave important things out. I am excited to watch the final installment and it is getting closer and closer every day. I have a few months left to read the last three books again and I am sure that I will do that in time.
I really want to dress up and make a big deal out of it but I know that I won't but I guess I will end with saying Happy Easter!
I spent most of today reading on my Nook and I couldn't be happier. I finished Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire and it still made me tear up. The emotion at the end of the book is so powerful that I wanted to re read it over and over again. I was watching the movie version at the same time but I feel like that movie makes me more angry than happy. I feel this way about most of the newer Harry Potter films with the exception of Deathly Hollows. Everything after the second movie just went downhill. I hate when book adaptions add things that were not in the book but leave important things out. I am excited to watch the final installment and it is getting closer and closer every day. I have a few months left to read the last three books again and I am sure that I will do that in time.
I really want to dress up and make a big deal out of it but I know that I won't but I guess I will end with saying Happy Easter!
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